White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
