Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
