Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
