Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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