You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
