If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
