my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
