Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
