Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
