Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
