Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My ass is underappreciated
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
