Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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