a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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