i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
