you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
