Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
