I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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