it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
