i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
