you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
