This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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