Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
