He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
