He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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