At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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