She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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