So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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