Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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