omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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