I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
