So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
