If i come over, it means nothing
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
