You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
