I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
