well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
