Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
