u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
