It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
me + whiskey = a bad person
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
