I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
