remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
