Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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