he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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