Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
