i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
