Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
