idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
