Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
