I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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