so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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