you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Someone came in the potted fern
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
