there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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