so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
