he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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