he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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