Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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