there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
